Resolutions

Have I wished you a happy new year? Apologies if I haven’t. It’s been a long 15 days. Whew! That’s a statement, huh? I want to be able to comprehend it all in a way that doesn’t disturb me or my peace of mind. I must say that nothing out of the ordinary is wrong. It’s life that doesn’t give a flim flam patty whack that it’s a new year. Old stuff doesn’t even bother to acknowledge that it has followed us into a supposed new beginning. Have you tried telling a past due bill that we’re starting over? Is that a groan or laughter I hear?

Writing for me can be awesomely therapeutic. I have discovered the “why” of why I’m so bothered by my daughter’s moving out. Nope, I won’t share, except to say that my mommy heart is very sad about the “how” and the “who” of the action. I had prepared myself for university and then the great job opportunity scenario. But this, I am not. I will continue to give it over, you know, cast my care, as often as I need to do so.

As we get older, hubby and I, we are reconciling, or better yet, tucking away dreams and aspirations we had for our children. There won’t be any of the daddy daughter stuff, like being asked for her hand in marriage. No walking anyone down the aisle. No mom and daughter picking out wedding dresses. All of the things in that category are now null and void. We do have a son in love whom we kept and admire after divorce. There is also a pseudo son in love that I liked the sound of but have never truly met. I’ve decided that this is the year that I will put those dreams away permanently, never to be thought if again.

There are other things, hopes, dreams and desires that I am also packing away that are just about me. I have achieved some of the goals on my list, but age dictates that there are a few I won’t ever achieve. A couple of them I don’t even want to achieve anymore. I do miss ministry. I remember being bothered by being treated differently because of who I was perceived to be and now I’m bothered that I’m not. Weird how fickled we humans are.

So as you can see, this year won’t be about resolutions, but about cleaning out the old to make way for whatever the Father has for us. I am striving to no longer grieve the thing that got away. It’s gone. People dream, wish, and hope. I still do, I’m no longer holding onto what appears to be a dead root. HA! This from a woman who rescued a brown root of a plant from the trash at a nursery. I put it in my pocket, brought it home and put it in dirt. Yes, it’s still alive two years later.

I still have hope, just not the energy to worry or stress about what adults do and they are all adults. Experience is the best teacher. So I’m learning how to “parent” adults. Wow… that’s a mouth full! I must stop now and analyze what I’ve just said, “parent adults”. 

If you have any thoughts on any of what I’ve said in this post, please feel free to express them.

HAPPY NEW YEAR!