wash, rinse, REPEAT

Many years ago I stopped allowing my kids to partake of “the lord’s supper” aka communion because they didn’t understand it. One of them got upset because her “snack” had been a teenie cup of juice and a piece of cracker. (yes, I laughed) But I made every effort to stop them from participating because of their lack of knowledge of the weight of it and because of what scripture says about.
   If you’re going to teach your children about something from history, please make every effort to help them experience it with all 7 senses, yes seven.
  Ruby Bridges is 71. I am sixty-six.
  The Church was bombed 62 years ago
  The NFWA was founded in 1962
   The 1960s were big years for civil rights.
   Our current president was a teenager during the 60s. Those around him were affluent and powerful in their spheres of influence…
   In the 1870s, black men could vote, but laws were written to prevent them from doing so.
  Teach the children that their voice/vote matters. Explain to them the whys of it. This is a must, because Amerikka just might become great again. 😕
 

And trust me, none of us truly wants that, right?

WOW! An entire year has gone by! I don’t have any excuses…

WOW! An entire year has gone by! I don’t have any excuses. I suppose I forgot or maybe, Inwas just too upset to write anything and I do believe that it’s better to say nothing if I can’t say anything nice.

Well, no more promises to write more. No more promises, about anything. It will happen when it happens.

A lot of good stuff happened in my life in 2025. God is faithful always!

Tres Preguntas

 1). What do I want next month to feel like. 2). How can I allow myself to be open to attaining that goal?

3). How can I make each day productive?

I am always tempted to try the monetization of my posts and my stories on Wattpad. However, I am not brave enough to watch no money generated.

Anywho, I can say that I did have an emotional breakthrough! HALLELUJAH! I gained clarity on why a close family member doesn’t take into account my feelings when she speaks to me or sends me stuff on social media. Honestly, she is who she is, and I am not specially chosen for her knifed tongue. Beside, I have all that she doesn’t have, except $$$. She wouldn’t be without a reliable vehicle. She’d just go purchase one.

Anyway, thanks for reading my rambles. I pray that your answers to the three questions are revealing for you.

Selah

BE Blessed!

Resolutions

Have I wished you a happy new year? Apologies if I haven’t. It’s been a long 15 days. Whew! That’s a statement, huh? I want to be able to comprehend it all in a way that doesn’t disturb me or my peace of mind. I must say that nothing out of the ordinary is wrong. It’s life that doesn’t give a flim flam patty whack that it’s a new year. Old stuff doesn’t even bother to acknowledge that it has followed us into a supposed new beginning. Have you tried telling a past due bill that we’re starting over? Is that a groan or laughter I hear?

Writing for me can be awesomely therapeutic. I have discovered the “why” of why I’m so bothered by my daughter’s moving out. Nope, I won’t share, except to say that my mommy heart is very sad about the “how” and the “who” of the action. I had prepared myself for university and then the great job opportunity scenario. But this, I am not. I will continue to give it over, you know, cast my care, as often as I need to do so.

As we get older, hubby and I, we are reconciling, or better yet, tucking away dreams and aspirations we had for our children. There won’t be any of the daddy daughter stuff, like being asked for her hand in marriage. No walking anyone down the aisle. No mom and daughter picking out wedding dresses. All of the things in that category are now null and void. We do have a son in love whom we kept and admire after divorce. There is also a pseudo son in love that I liked the sound of but have never truly met. I’ve decided that this is the year that I will put those dreams away permanently, never to be thought if again.

There are other things, hopes, dreams and desires that I am also packing away that are just about me. I have achieved some of the goals on my list, but age dictates that there are a few I won’t ever achieve. A couple of them I don’t even want to achieve anymore. I do miss ministry. I remember being bothered by being treated differently because of who I was perceived to be and now I’m bothered that I’m not. Weird how fickled we humans are.

So as you can see, this year won’t be about resolutions, but about cleaning out the old to make way for whatever the Father has for us. I am striving to no longer grieve the thing that got away. It’s gone. People dream, wish, and hope. I still do, I’m no longer holding onto what appears to be a dead root. HA! This from a woman who rescued a brown root of a plant from the trash at a nursery. I put it in my pocket, brought it home and put it in dirt. Yes, it’s still alive two years later.

I still have hope, just not the energy to worry or stress about what adults do and they are all adults. Experience is the best teacher. So I’m learning how to “parent” adults. Wow… that’s a mouth full! I must stop now and analyze what I’ve just said, “parent adults”. 

If you have any thoughts on any of what I’ve said in this post, please feel free to express them.

HAPPY NEW YEAR!

Cancelation of the Parenting Agreement

 A running theme now a days is about protecting your own peace AT ANY COST. It demands that every one around you must respect your boundaries and your peace. I have noticed that this isn’t without casualties. I’ve spoken with all too many parents and grandparents who have been “blocked” from their children’s lives.

I pray with and for those who mourn for a relationship with grands and great grands. Something as simple as a parent having an opinion can cause the lights to go out on all conversation.

  I, too, am a victim. There are many reasons that I could point out for my banishment, however, they are all hallmarks of parenting. These are ones every parent makes and yes these children who are so very upset with their parents will also offend their children, IF they strive to be better parents than they belive they’ve had.

Don’t misunderstand, I know there are horrible excuses for parents out there. We see it on the news. I also know that there are parenting situations that go horribly wrong due to misinformation or misguided beliefs. All I’m saying is that the newest generation of parents have skewed the parenting rubric and the slightest disagreement can cause great riffs in families.

I honestly don’t know where this post was supposed to go, with exception of acknowledgement lane. It is always good to know that you’re not alone in the craziness. The statement that, “Misery loves company” works in a lot of ways. I can say that misery needs company, even if it’s just for sanity’s sake. There is a scripture that says that “there is a way in a man’s heart that seem right, but is far from God.” I think on that often. And then there’s, “Be not deceived. God is not mocked. You will reap what you sow….” (Galatians 6:7,8) I ask myself, When did I sow this?I remember when my teenager was running wild and free, testing all of the boundaries. It was a horrible sleepless time in my life. I asked, in prayer, why this was happening. And in my deepest self, I heard the father say that it was because of who I was in him. I didn’t get it at first and was truly offended. But then I grew to understand that it meant that I could handle it because of who I know my heavenly Father to be – ever faithful, especially when it doesn’t feel like it.

Who we are in our deepest beliefs, matters. One way or the other, it does matter.

Feliz Navidad and a couple of trumpy bears.

 This year, we celebrated on Christmas eve. We had our family meal. It was a Spanish theme, tamales, arroz con pollo, menudo, roasted corn, (it was boiled, but I choose to remember it as roasted), tacos, etc, etcetera, et cetera.

Now I’m chilling on the couch watching the kids graze. They eat, play and eat some more. I enjoy that.

 The gathering is light, missing a lot of people who’ve chosen to skip the event. I’m okay with it. Well, I have to be ‘cuz what else am I to do? They’re adults. Deep sigh.

 I’ve heard it said that abandonment is the mark of good parenting. I choose to believe that today and every day after. Parenting isn’t for the weak or gentle minded. My parenting career has been fraught with hellish events, sprinkled with some love and laughter. I’m uncertain as to whether I go back and do it again…. if I had to choose.

 Let me say, that parenting hurts your heart in ways you’d never believe or could ever be prepared for. Even after adoption there are times when I feel as if I’m just “foster people”. It something the sister of my chosen daughter used to say. “She not your mom. She’s just foster people.”

sigh

Well, this foster people is wanting to stop her from making what I believe is a huge mistake. He isn’t the one, but she has allowed herself to be manipulated and it all reminds me of when it happened to me and I want to wrap my arms around her and squeeze the idea out of her. But alas, we must all walk our own paths.

Thanks for listening. Thanks for the words of encouragement, they are much appreciated!

 Oh, and no one received a trumpy bear, it had been a threat, but I suppose they couldn’t find one for purchase.

Ten things, er Five things no one tells you about parenting

 There are times when I envy my childless acquaintances. They will never know the agony of it all.

I’ve been praying. I’ve been pondering and I now understand why my mom wanted me to be a single, free, accomplished woman. I used to think that she was wrong in her disappointment of my choice to get married and have children. Now, I understand her hearts desire for my happiness.

I wanted the same thing for my children, my version of their happiness. I’m not wanting to dictate choices, I just want them to learn from my mistakes. And there were many of them, especially in relationships.

 Oddly, my children, even those grafted into my heart and adopted as mine, all seem to be struggling in that area. I get that we all learn from experience, but, however, my mommy heart hurts. Even as I write this my mommy heart hurts.

They are all, each one, living their lives. Period. End of sentence. Yes, I could say more, I am very well aware that if I transitioned from this eaeth tomorrow, they’d still make what I see as wrong decisions. And yet, I did the same thing – defied my parents’ wishes, hopes, and dreams for my life.

So, I wish I could tell a new mom to cherish the first six years. That’s the apex of parenting. It’s during that time when you have to most control, yes, control over what gets poured into them, like a foundation. Years seven through thirteen are the tweaking or fine tuning years. These years show you what you’ve missed in the foundation. It’s during these years that you get a glimpse of the adult they’ll become.

Ironically, I’ve found that years 14 through 18 deeply correlate with years 2 through 4. The difference is, they’re harder to discipline, meaning they’ve lived with you long enough to know who you are and can make the decision to comply or ignore, OH and they’re sexually aware of … well, everything. And when asked anything or an observationis made, “I know mom!” is the usual reply.

Eighteen is considered adult. Who ever came up with that dumb Sugar, Honey, Iced Tea should be shaken. I didn’t know squat at 18, but I certainly believed that I did. Sigh

 The hardest part for me is letting go and not watching them sail or fall. I’m trying to keep my mouth shut when I wanna scream, “LOOK OUT!!!!

Deeper sigh

I apologize for any typos and maybe not getting all five points out for you, but like I’ve said, my heart hurts.

Selah

One ship left

I used to watch my kids play video games. Their games are far more complicated than any of the games I grew up playing, and they don’t have to leave home play. They experience the highs and lows of game play in the comfort of their own space. I suppose that that’s why the anxiety of having spend more money when you lose doesn’t enter their game play. They can just take a bathroom break and start over.

My generation understood that your success in the game was directly tied to skill and of course how many quarters you had in your pocket. I feel like that now, in life. I noticed yesterday that I’m feeling like I’m losing the game and I only have one more chance. I get what’s happening in the spiritual.

Enemy has thrown the usual things at me, however this man is faithful, I recognize that God is our supply, my body image no longer distresses me because I married a man who sees me and loves every bit of what he calls his buffet. I’ve learned to accept that my children are grown, making their own decisions whether I like or understand them or not… they’re grown.

So, I sit here writing to you to say simply that worrying gains nothing positive, which is why scripture tells us to not worry or be anxious about anything. The peace I feel is odd… scripture says this is the kind that (passeth all understanding). I like to imagine that this is what my Nanaboy feels as he goes about his day. No worries because Nana is there to fulfill his needs and wants. All he has to do ask and he can do it in two languages, well three if you understand what the shake of his sippy cup means.

I’m choosing to be an adult about all things right now. I must play as if I have limitless quarters, and I’m playing in the comfort of my own home.