I can say that it is possible to be in love and still wonder what went wrong in the prior relationship.
Divorce damages the heart in a way that feels permanent. Yes, my present is comforting and sustaining and all that I ever prayed for and yet… I still wonder what it was I didn’t see OR refused to see in the prior relationship.
Yeah, it’s because I don’t want to make the same mistakes. (Whatever they might have been) I tend to love hard and completely even in friendship. I value true friendship and yet I don’t tend to them as I believe I should, but that’s a post for another time. Right now I speaking about heart scars. My hubby has them also. They are mingled with PTSD from war and our parents, who by the way were best friends.
He protects my heart. I’ve learned that my heart has never been protected before allowing him to do so. It can be disconcerting. He is patient with me and my brokenness. Often times just holding me and saying nothing. I love him completely, well as completely as I can in my brokenness. I’ve found that there isn’t any pretense in him. He is who he is at all times. He apologizes even when he isn’t wrong and then gently revisits the issue at a later date so we can work it out unemotionally.
I love him. I must seek each day to value and love him passed the stupid in my head. He is NOT the prior man and does not have to answer for his mess.
Honestly? I was messed up in my childhood when I got it into my head that absolutely no one loved me and never would. I’m not even certain of how that even formed in my thoughts. It may have been the romance novels my mom used to leave around… I began reading when I was four. I can remember hiding under furniture to read them wishing that a man would ride in on a horse, shirt less and carry me away all the while professing his love for me and my beauty.
I want to pour into my teens that it is well worth the wait. It’s hard enough as an adult to navigate relationships without also having to deal with teenage everything!
I pray that you have open dialog with your spouse, so that your prayers aren’t hindered. (1 Peter 3:7)
I try to speak to my mom every day. 2020 drove home the point that tomorrow isn’t promised. I experienced death far too often in 2020.
We all suffered the virus at the end of 2019. We each had varying degrees of illness, including the toddler, it was truly horrible. I will wear a mask from now until the LORD calls me home.
Anywho, please take notice of those you love. Make time for them even if it’s just a text or a quick hello on the phone – because my mom’s generation is prone to texting. She says it reminds her of telegraphs and Morse code.
CALL YOUR MOM! CALL YOUR DAD! I wish I could hug my dad just once more.
When was the last time you lusted after your mate? Got that flutter in the center of yourself? You know what I’m talking about! Lovin’ so good it makes you want to testify in church! Girl, don’t get me started! Hallelujah! Praise the LORD!
Do you study your mate? What says love to them? Are you a good listener? Are you mature enough to make immediate changes?
This isn’t my first rodeo, but it is however most definitely my last. I’m striving to be who the Father has called me to be in my hubby’s life. I do that by seeking Father’s wisdom about how to love, honor and cherish him.
I asked the 19yr old first her response: “Why? What did I do? Are you giving me back?” (She’s grafted in) I explained why I asked and she laughed, “Girl yes! You scared me! Wait, if I say no do I get a car? 😐
Next, the 17yr old: “Um, is this a trick question? 😳 Me: Dude, just answer the question. I: Of course mom… now can you take me to Taco Bell 😐
The 9yr old: Of course I do Nana. I know you love me cuz you cook me food.” 😶
At this point I thought I was missing something. So I decided to ask the 16yr old girl… it was close to her moon time so I knew I’d get an honest answer.
She stared at me, “Seriously Nana? I don’t know where we’d be without you. I mean I sometimes hate it here in this house, with these people but I know y’all love me cuz I’m special!”
Sigh, I don’t know truly what answer I was looking for, but it appears to me that I’ve done away with that NO ONE LOVES ME thing.
O wait, the 5yr old… “Well, Nana, I know you love me and I love you but not as much as I love Papa. I’m his bag of sugar and you say I’m ur bag of salt… so I know he loves me more exactly. “
I just hope I’m around when she discovers the importance of salt.
For as long as I can remember I didn’t feel loved. I don’t know how or why that developed in my head, just that it lasted until I met my present husband.
I felt loved by Jesus, who was introduced to me as my friend.
However, nothing ever truly felt like love to me. Sadly, I learned recently that my precious daughter also feels this ugliness. I don’t have many opportunities to help her because she tends to shut me out. I don’t like it. I don’t understand it and yet I know where she’s at in that emotion.
But this isn’t about her, its about me. I am these many years old and I finally FEEL loved, honored, and cherished. I wish someone would have just asked the question, “Paula, do you feel loved?”
The answer may surprise you. Teens may tend to be far more sullen and may not answer right away. My nanagirl says I love you, every chance she gets. I recognize that seeking for validation. She’s 5, I have a chance to fix that in her head… and yes, it is in the head. I used to have instances that defined love to me and I want to help her to value herself in her search for love. My search hurt for many years. I gave my heart to those who said or acted as if they desired me and I foolishly thought that giving them my version of the best sex, being the best wife ( married or not), etc would keep them with me.
(Insert deep sigh here) I had to learn to stand up for myself… or should I say that I’m still learning to stand up for me while voicing my truths. Now, I must say, that my truth isn’t always true and I thank God for sending me the man who has on many occasions corrected me, ever so lovingly.
Today, I am feeling angst. My daughter, her bestie and their children are flying out tomorrow and it bothers me in a way that puzzles me. I think it’s the whole pandemic thing, but it feels like something else… a premonition of impending doom. However, I am aware that my sensor is off kilter because of something that happened in the past. It was beyond horrible and completely life shattering. Enough said.
I’m going about my day… chiding myself for worrying. (Insert deep soul cleansing sigh here)
I know that all too soon, the vacation will be over and I’ll wonder when the next one will come about.
I believe I’m living in fear which is no bueno. Yo necisito calm down. Wooooo saaaahhhhh.
In 1965 I was a first grader. I’d been reading since I was four years old. I’m a voracious reader.
I enjoyed Dr. Seuss. His early works were odd to me, maybe because I was so young. I introduced his writing to my children and grandchildren.
Honestly, it never occurred to me that anything was wrong with the pictures. I truly hope that the family will consider changing the graphics/illustrations and allowing future generations to enjoy these 6 books.
On another note: I’d like to own the original works.
If you find a copy… drop me a note and I’ll set up a way to pay (if I must) a reasonable price.