Overcoming Body Dysmorphia: A Journey to Self-Acceptance

The past year has caused me to reflect on me.My birth anniversary is in a few days and O refuse to carry old emotional baggage into yet another year. I am making every effort to rid myself of unreasonable dislikes. There are peeps that I don’t care for, but I can’t find a reason, not a good one anyway. Oddly, that portion of this journey has been easier than I’d imagined.

This does not, I repeat, include the toddler in chief or his pit of vipers. I have bonified reasons.

The one I’m finding hardest to deal with is body dysmorphia. I always had some form of it. But that was formed by someone else’s opinion of me, I know I’ve spoke on it before, but that’s my biggest struggle. My husband does not have an issue with my body. I know because I’ve asked well, wait, that’s not true. He wishes some things were bigger and I think things are too big. But, you know, beauty is in the eye and all that kind of stuff. Anyway, something odd happened today that always, I don’t know. Always causes me to wonder. I was in a store, and a man was flirting in a weird hard way, and because I didn’t feel particularly beautiful today or cute or you know, palatable, it was really odd that he would out of the blue flirt with me, not really sure how to deal with body’s morphia. Yeah, I had counseling. But I always go back to not seeing what I wanna see in the mirror and being that I am in my middle 60’s, I won’t ever be able to get back to the 21-year-old tight taunt body that I didn’t like then, but I would want to get back to now? See how twisted that is?

Anyway, it’s February, and even though it feels like we have been toiling for 5 or 6 years in this current climate, it is just February early February at that. So what are you doing to move into this New Year because we’re all going to have new birthdays. So what are you doing to not carry the old over into the new? You know, auld Lang syne – should auld acquaintance be forgot and ne”er bought to mine, we can do this. Yes we can do this.

I will make every effort to see myself as pleasing to my own eyes. You know that Chatgpt thing that people are doing online. If you’re not on Facebook, then, well I don’t know it maybe somewhere else, but on Facebook people are doing these cute little meme things Chatgpt. I didn’t want to use that app, so I used Meta AI and ot came up a bald man, I don’t understand. But that did nothing, absolutely nothing to help my okay, no, not mine. The dysmorphia, it did nothing to change my mind about it. Maybe 1 day I might try the ChatGPT thing.

I did try that thing that people were doing over Christmas. I don’t know which that might have been GPT no, it was something called smile, but anyway, I did get a couple of pictures that looked kind of cute. It was creepy, my glasses appear on my face out of nowhere like they grew out of my forehead.

Now, rambling, that just means I need to go to sleep. I hope you choose to unload something. whether they be emotionally or physically, you know that room that needs to be cleaned out. The cabinet that has too many dishes anyway. I just hope you join me and offload some stuff. Well, good night be blessed. Hasta luego

Chatgpt fun

I’ll make this post short. A lot of peeps are using the AI app to create memes of themselves. They were all so cute and somewhat accurate. So I thought I’d try it, well, not that particular app, I tried to use the AI meta has available and it came back with me as a man, in a sports jersey. I was not amused.

I’m not going to try it again.

Yes, there’s a lot I could say about the debacle, but it’s late so I won’t. Not tonight anyway.

deep deep sigh

Sweet sleep, children of the Most High!

Armageddon?

If you’ve been with me awhile you know that I’m a student of the Bible. I’m seeing the “wars and rumors of wars portion of scripture in a whole new way. I won’t type much about the male who sits in the oval office, suffice to say that he is the, and I mean THE worst!

Lots has happened since I wrote last. A popular internet couple that I followed are getting a divorce. I have my opinions on that, but I don’t know them well enough to even have an opinion. So i’m going to keep it to myself, but know that I prayed for the Scotts to work it out somehow.

On my personal front, I’m working on finding a eating plan that will help me loose the menopause belly. Yes, I said loose instead of lose.

I know you must be watching Beyond the Gates. The writing sometimes frustrates me, but I still have my DVR set to record. Speaking of BTG, I want Shanice to have her own man, not a rebound man.

Sigh, well, it’s late and I’m rambling. Be blessed and know that you are seen. Know that the Creator of the universe sees and cares for you! Selah

Whoooo are you?

Had a conversation with my bestie, aka the hubs, about who we knew our parents were during our formative years.
The question “I wonder who our kids will say we were?” was pondered.
We have our answers, from our point of view, but considering the dysfunctional aspects, theirs could be vastly different.
  I used to be upset with my mom and critical of my grandmother’s ways. However, life has shown me that 98.9% of all parents are humans trying to make the world a better place for our off spring. (That term has always caused me to giggle, “off spring”.)
   We were at the beginning of life also off spring, playing the cards we were dealt. We often struggle, present tense, with who we are and the whys of it. We also have our own opinions about “who” people believe themselves to be, but in the long run, it’s not our cross to bear. This time in what will be history one day, offers and entire alphabetical charcuterie of choices, up to and including choosing to make no choice at all. 🤷‍♂️
  But at the end of it all, most of us want to be remembered fondly, sadly, and with a sense of loss. Never with a “good riddance to bad rubbish” Heaven forbid!
  I agree that some should never be allowed to reproduce, but that’s for another soapbox. This is about the realization that transitioning from breathing to not breathing is inevitable. The hope is to have achieved what you were sent here to do.
  Whether you subscribe to the religious views of a higher power or not, we each have a place and an assignment.
  I can recall that a person passed away while on the job a few feet away from where I sat. Someone screamed. Someone dialed 911. Half an hour later, it was back to business as usual. I don’t remember that they supplied any mental health stuff afterwards, because it was the 90s and well… sigh.
  Deep sigh
How do you want to be remembered? What will your circle say about you? My mom was a force in her younger days, heck, she still is! 86 years and 7 months on the blue marble have been good to her. She says she hasn’t any regrets or things to do on her bucket list, in truth she doesn’t have a bucket list.

I have a bucket for her and perhaps every one in my circle. Funny, huh?

This portion of my life will be one of cleansing my emotional wheelhouse. Letting go of old hurts and stuff will be the focus of 2026. I want to become a “better” me for me. Hopefully, those around me, especially my off spring 🤪 will remember me fondly.
 

Let’s focus on more than just surviving in 2026. Thrive!…

Let’s focus on more than just surviving in 2026. Thrive! Yes, I get it. And yes it may prove to be a daunting task. HOWEVER, he who promised is faithful!

Preparation is each and every thing! Doomsday preppers used to appear a bit unhinged, but they have a point.

This is day one of 2026, 364 days until 2027, do not allow moldy procrastination to derail you forward moving progress.

READY! SET! GO!

wash, rinse, REPEAT

Many years ago I stopped allowing my kids to partake of “the lord’s supper” aka communion because they didn’t understand it. One of them got upset because her “snack” had been a teenie cup of juice and a piece of cracker. (yes, I laughed) But I made every effort to stop them from participating because of their lack of knowledge of the weight of it and because of what scripture says about.
   If you’re going to teach your children about something from history, please make every effort to help them experience it with all 7 senses, yes seven.
  Ruby Bridges is 71. I am sixty-six.
  The Church was bombed 62 years ago
  The NFWA was founded in 1962
   The 1960s were big years for civil rights.
   Our current president was a teenager during the 60s. Those around him were affluent and powerful in their spheres of influence…
   In the 1870s, black men could vote, but laws were written to prevent them from doing so.
  Teach the children that their voice/vote matters. Explain to them the whys of it. This is a must, because Amerikka just might become great again. 😕
 

And trust me, none of us truly wants that, right?

WOW! An entire year has gone by! I don’t have any excuses…

WOW! An entire year has gone by! I don’t have any excuses. I suppose I forgot or maybe, Inwas just too upset to write anything and I do believe that it’s better to say nothing if I can’t say anything nice.

Well, no more promises to write more. No more promises, about anything. It will happen when it happens.

A lot of good stuff happened in my life in 2025. God is faithful always!

Tres Preguntas

 1). What do I want next month to feel like. 2). How can I allow myself to be open to attaining that goal?

3). How can I make each day productive?

I am always tempted to try the monetization of my posts and my stories on Wattpad. However, I am not brave enough to watch no money generated.

Anywho, I can say that I did have an emotional breakthrough! HALLELUJAH! I gained clarity on why a close family member doesn’t take into account my feelings when she speaks to me or sends me stuff on social media. Honestly, she is who she is, and I am not specially chosen for her knifed tongue. Beside, I have all that she doesn’t have, except $$$. She wouldn’t be without a reliable vehicle. She’d just go purchase one.

Anyway, thanks for reading my rambles. I pray that your answers to the three questions are revealing for you.

Selah

BE Blessed!

Resolutions

Have I wished you a happy new year? Apologies if I haven’t. It’s been a long 15 days. Whew! That’s a statement, huh? I want to be able to comprehend it all in a way that doesn’t disturb me or my peace of mind. I must say that nothing out of the ordinary is wrong. It’s life that doesn’t give a flim flam patty whack that it’s a new year. Old stuff doesn’t even bother to acknowledge that it has followed us into a supposed new beginning. Have you tried telling a past due bill that we’re starting over? Is that a groan or laughter I hear?

Writing for me can be awesomely therapeutic. I have discovered the “why” of why I’m so bothered by my daughter’s moving out. Nope, I won’t share, except to say that my mommy heart is very sad about the “how” and the “who” of the action. I had prepared myself for university and then the great job opportunity scenario. But this, I am not. I will continue to give it over, you know, cast my care, as often as I need to do so.

As we get older, hubby and I, we are reconciling, or better yet, tucking away dreams and aspirations we had for our children. There won’t be any of the daddy daughter stuff, like being asked for her hand in marriage. No walking anyone down the aisle. No mom and daughter picking out wedding dresses. All of the things in that category are now null and void. We do have a son in love whom we kept and admire after divorce. There is also a pseudo son in love that I liked the sound of but have never truly met. I’ve decided that this is the year that I will put those dreams away permanently, never to be thought if again.

There are other things, hopes, dreams and desires that I am also packing away that are just about me. I have achieved some of the goals on my list, but age dictates that there are a few I won’t ever achieve. A couple of them I don’t even want to achieve anymore. I do miss ministry. I remember being bothered by being treated differently because of who I was perceived to be and now I’m bothered that I’m not. Weird how fickled we humans are.

So as you can see, this year won’t be about resolutions, but about cleaning out the old to make way for whatever the Father has for us. I am striving to no longer grieve the thing that got away. It’s gone. People dream, wish, and hope. I still do, I’m no longer holding onto what appears to be a dead root. HA! This from a woman who rescued a brown root of a plant from the trash at a nursery. I put it in my pocket, brought it home and put it in dirt. Yes, it’s still alive two years later.

I still have hope, just not the energy to worry or stress about what adults do and they are all adults. Experience is the best teacher. So I’m learning how to “parent” adults. Wow… that’s a mouth full! I must stop now and analyze what I’ve just said, “parent adults”. 

If you have any thoughts on any of what I’ve said in this post, please feel free to express them.

HAPPY NEW YEAR!