It’s been 4months since I last wrote to you. Apologies! So much has been going on with me.
The kids are well, the hubby is well, I am well.
The weather is hot!
I feel like breaking into Gladys Knight’s version of “The Way We Were”.
As I mature, I find myself remembering, ME. I liked me. Then came the first broken heart. It changed me in ways I still deal with all of these years later.
The subsequent chips of the already broken heart molded me and made me cautious… but it also gave me 20/20 vision. I can spot dysfunction in a relationship, just by the sound or lack thereof.
Facebook, the land of dreams, wishes and fantasies. It gives us a place to put our feelings out in public. It gives the warm fuzzies a chance to cover the red flags or the more muted checks in the spirit.
I remember being so very desperate to NOT be alone that I kissed far too many frogs. The need to be in a relationship was far stronger than the need to get it right the first time. I grew up believing the lie that no one loved me or would ever love me. Silly girl!
I wish now, that I’d waited. I wish I’d been strong enough to get past the age thing, the watching the people around me getting married, (Oh, Paula, why aren’t you in a relationship?)
And the church didn’t help…. that’s yet another post.
I met a couple, many years ago, who fast and prayed for 2 weeks – together to seek the LORD’s wisdom about their relationship. At the time, I wished I’d done that. They got what they felt was confirmation. They married. They divorced.
See, the flesh wants what the flesh wants. Two lonely people seeking the LORD in prayer… forget that just the intimacy of it.. is intoxicating.
When they were divorcing, an elder woman spoke about what they’d done wrong. She said that they should have sought guidance from others they trusted. She said that praying together should only come AFTER an engagement. She counseled us in every aspect of building godly relationships.
Did I listen? Nope. I just continued giving and receiving Wam Pum of the sexual kind. His voice in my ear felt good. Holding hands felt good. The well-wishes from those around me FELT GOOD.
But along the way, I ignored the words of those I’d trusted for years and it cost me dearly.
The couple who married just this March, are now separated. My heart hurts for them. I wish it weren’t against the law to tie people up! I would have kept them from making my mistakes. Yes, I know. experience is the best teacher. I only wish I’d heeded the words of wisdom from those who’d gone before me…. “HEY! THAT’S A DEAD END!”
She said she’d thought the bond between them was real. She said maybe it wasn’t really God giving her the go ahead. She said maybe she wanted it so badly that she just asked herself why not. SIGH
My heart hurts.