Ego Testing

I don’t usually allow myself to brag or toot my own horn. I’ve always found myself shrinking away from pointing out my accomplishments.

If I think on it, it started with all of the As on my report card. It was the rule in my house to get paid for grades. A = $5, B = $4, and so on. This was great motivation for buckling down and getting it done… however it didn’t translate to me. I stood by and watched my cousins get paid and because I had all As I was told that my report card would break the bank. And while that wasn’t her words, the true words are singed into my psyche. It caused me to want to be closer to their version of normal. I sought to dumb things down so I too could get paid. Needless to say, that didn’t go over well either. Sigh, what’s a kid to do?

Fast forward to adulthood. I still struggle but I’m vocal about it. I once admonished people I didn’t know to change their nickname for their daughter. I overheard them saying it and laughing. They were calling her hippo. The girl stopped smiling when she saw me. I don’t remember my exact words, but I remember them, her parents, telling me it was fine, that she knew they were teasing. I looked at her. I didn’t see amusement, I saw a little girl who didn’t get why I was so upset. I told her she was beautiful and so not a hippo. I tried to explain it to her parents one more time. They smiled and thanked me for my concerns. I walked away, but I’ve continue to pray for her. I suppose that she’s found a way to be okay with the name calling and that it isn’t burned into her psyche also. It bugs me.

Deep sigh

Oh, here’s a big test of my ego. I’m going to share one of my nicknames: heavy hips, hips for short. It made me, ok, it makes me self conscious of just about everything. So all of my nicknames for my littles are positive and I try hard to stay away from coarse jesting.

Now, I ask that you test your ego and make changes accordingly.