Sexual Wampum ~ 3.1

I listened intently as the speaker spoke about the dangers of sex outside of commitment. He named the usual suspects, pregnancy, std, sin. SIGH

I was disappointed. They all leave out the least obvious. No one seems to remember that sex is the most intimate thing two people can do together. It is literally opening one’s self to a plethora of emotions that may or may not lend itself to the promised release.
Yes, it may feel good or most likely it’ll feel weird. And afterwards there’s a nagging “What did I just do?” “Is this what all of the hype was about?

I can say that for me, it was a bit of feeling used. Oh sure as a grown woman of the 70s/80s sex was always on the table. I was raised in church so I knew the usual suspects BUT no one ever told me about the emptiness. I always noticed that nothing seemed to change for the guy or maybe it was just me. There were no warm fuzzies or feeling special.
There was always something missing. I know now that it was as simple as trust.

Please remember to be open and honest when speaking to young people about sex. Sex isn’t what it’s portrayed to be in movies. In truth it’s far from it. Sex doesn’t just happen. Rape isn’t about sex. Most importantly tell them about the emptiness that follows. Rape isn’t about sex. The wondering who he’s told AND HE WILL TELL. Anyone coerced into have sex … pushed, bullied, shamed into having sex equates to rape. Rape isn’t about sex.

I remember sitting in a parking lot waiting for my teen to get off work and hearing some young guys talking about a sexual encounter they’d each had with the same girl. They spoke in details and there was laughter. Three boys, one girl, many separate occasions. I said a prayer for her, for them, but mostly for her. I imagined the emptiness in them all. Neither of them cared enough to protect her, including her. For me it was all too close to home, too many bad memories. Too much emptiness. I told my teen about what I’d overheard. She said that they were all regarded as “hoes” but that the girl was now away at college.
SIGH
Sex isn’t love no matter what you’ve been told. Sex is at its best inside of commitment under the cover of trust. Sex should never be used to secure, procure or acquire a relationship.
Give them truth. Tell them Sex is at its best inside of commitment under the cover of trust.

Random Musings

I don’t get many comments on my posts, and the stats say that not many people read or share them … (A BIG THANK YOU TO THE ONES WHO’VE SUBSCRIBED).
I believe it’s because I haven’t been as constant as I should have been in the past. I’m working to erase that by scheduling times to write.

I try to write late at night when the house is quiet. I usually have music or the tele playing in the background. That’s what a portion of this post is about: TV commercials. Dude if I never heard about Plexaderm ever again it’ll be too soon.
I don’t know Annette Figueroa, but I know I’m tired of hearing her name.
And that one about reverse mortgages, sigh… it’s a loan against your house people!

I concur with how Alfred Hitchcock felt about commercials. I usually DVR the show I want to watch so I can fast forward through the commercials.
And have you noticed that you can’t FFWD through commercials when watching on demand?
And what’s with all of the new streaming platforms?!? I pay Spectrum for HBO, why do I have to pay to stream anything HBO?!?

(I said this would be random musings)

I watch a lot of old black and white television and Netflix, oh and Amazon. There are a lot of kids and teens in my house and it’s annoying when I have to say, oops close your eyes and then fast forward through some awkward, all too graphic sex scene.
DEEP SIGH
Well gotta go, I should have been in bed hours ago … wait … sigh, a child is awake… sigh…please Jesus give him peaceful restful sleep.
Of course that prayer isn’t what crossed my mind first. This was: https://youtu.be/Udj-o2m39NA
It’s a bedtime story for adults read by Samuel L Jackson, so yes there’s profanity. And yes, I’ve shared this before.


Buenas Noches! Hasta Luego!

…of all the lies I’ve told…

Lies come in varying colors, shapes, and sizes. The most popular ones are white and tiny in size. They seem to be the most digestible.
They are utilized by humans of all ages. These, often used to protect, can also transform into the largest of them all the BALD FACE… or BOLDFACE… depending on what part of the world you inhabit.

I used one of the little ones today. It served the purpose, however, it didn’t feel right. Twenty minutes later, I threw myself under the bus and corrected it. “Hey, did I say…”
She cares for me so, she giggled and said, “Girl, were you having a senior moment?”
I giggled and said no, “I just chose to lie.”
The silence that followed wasn’t as frightening as I’d supposed. Her response gave me pause: “This is why I like you,” she said. “Always using wisdom.”

ME!?!?! Always using wisdom?!?!?! Not even!

But I was quite proud of myself. I’d stared Adulthood in the face and survived. I could say that I won’t tell a lie again … but then that’s also a lie.
I urge you to listen to yourself, monitor what comes out of your mouth, live circumspectly … and as I’ve titled this post I shall tell you that of all the lies I’ve ever told … I LOVE YOU has been the most prevalent … oh at the time, I thought I loved them … well, once I said it to get out of a situation with my life intact; and it isn’t one I use now if at all. I’ve experienced the truth in love and I no longer want to stain it.

SIGH… I suppose that my biggest lie now is simply practicing procrastination, which I’m also staring in the face. I’m making progress, not as much as I’d like, but slow and steady wins the race.

SELAH

Over My Head

Thunder woke me from my sleep. I stirred a little, trying to get closer to him. Thunder has always bothered me, but even more so after spending time in the Republic of Panama during Just Cause https://www.history.com/this-day-in-history/the-u-s-invades-panama

His position doesn’t allow me to get as close as I’d like so I decide to go to the bathroom. When i get back I see that he’s changed position. I climb in, chiding myself for being nervous about thunder and just as I get settled, he moves closer pulling my body into his. He whispers sleepily, “It’s okay little girl, I’ve got you.”

This was the last thought in my head as I fell asleep… well maybe not the last… I did consider how blessed I am!

He has this uncanny way of knowing where I am… in my myself… especially when my guard is down… which is 98% of the time with him. We don’t have to be in the same state!
You’ve heard me speak about sexual wampum. I didn’t need that with this man. All he wanted was me, no pretense, no preconceived notions, just me.
I admit that it caught me off guard. I was used to the dance, the games. This man, the mature version of the boy I did not like, wasn’t dancing or pretending.
My mom says “That (Army) Ranger swooped in and left with my daughter.”

There are men out there who aren’t looking for wampum and will not suggest or allow us to ponder on it. The question is, are you willing to wait?

Familiarity Breeds Contempt

PROVERB
extensive knowledge of or close association with someone or something leads to a loss of respect for them or it.
I watched an old movie from 1936. I enjoy them because I am reminded that people are people no matter what year the movie is set in.
Anywho, in this movie, the young man was fretting about the first kiss, which he decided could be put off until the wedding day because in the character’s words, “She’s the home run, the grand slam.”
Yes, in the movie there were the usual issues and yes, there was the break up and make up, and yes there was the wedding.
He lifts her veil and says, “I’ve been waiting a very long time for this.” and kissed her gently on the lips. The end.

I began to ponder the state of premarital relations we often get ourselves into; see I believe I robbed myself of many of the feels of new love.
I was far too eager for a relationship. My senior year in High School was horrendous in that area, so much so that it still plagues me.
I wish I could serve up my life as a cautionary tale of WHAT NOT TO DO and at the same time tell you that God does restore.

No, it NEVER happens in your timing, but if you stay focused on the things of God, it most certainly will be made manifest.
At this moment I am witness to a marriage, a family being restored. It took so long that they’d both given up, entering into other relationship, never divorcing, tucking the prayers into the corners of their hearts. It has been eleven years, in our timing, but a mere moment in the Father’s timing.

Diligence isn’t for the weak. It requires stamina and focus. It requires a level of respect that won’t give place to contempt. It requires a focus on NOT rushing familiarity. It is allowing the Creator’s plan to come to fruition.
It’s understanding that Wedding is an action verb and we have made it a noun. Did you know that marrying has another meaning? It also means “cause to meet or fit together; combine.”

This is where the breakdown often happens even before wedding… it’s the breakdown of this area that leads to divorce. Some couples never become a combination, nor do they fit together. This is when it becomes ALL ABOUT ME and YOU’RE NOT MEETING MY NEEDS.

In the movie, the girl is bothered by his not trying to kiss her even as they celebrated the one year mark. He didn’t call it an anniversary, he called it a milestone, to which she took offense and after a long talk with her girlfriends, dumped him.
It was then that she began to see that he filled in the spaces for her, she missed her friend, so she went to his job and waited. They spoke about the issues (communication) sought solutions and went arm in arm to the movies.
Yes, I know it was a movie. Yes, I know it’s entertainment. AND yes, it takes both parties to step towards the center (meet), sigh.
I’m just saying, examine the areas of your relationship looking only for any portion YOU may be wrong in and seek to fix it (forsaking all others) communicating with your spouse about solutions moving forward TOGETHER.

Schooling Virtually vs Virtual Schooling

I’ll bet good money that you didn’t know that there is a definitive difference did you?

Let’s start first with schooling virtually, it’s what’s happening now. Corona Virus has made Brick/Mortar in person schooling a bit dodgy, so a large portion of school districts have chosen online/virtual classes.
This means that teachers show up to the building, but kids don’t, instead they login to class from home.
This was a bad experience for me not because they were at home going to class on the computer, but because I know it can be done far better than they were prepared for in March. It was unorganized and reminded me of the scene from Finding Nemo https://youtu.be/H4BNbHBcnDI. Each teacher trying to teach their own class seeming to forget that there were at least 100 kids logged in. SIGH My grandson had started out in a cyber academy before his mom put him in Brick/Mortar.
If CV-19 is around much longer and yes I believe it will, Brick and Mortar schools should reach out to Virtual schools who have it under control.

My daughter graduated this year from https://www.georgiacyber.org/ she started attending in (4th) fourth grade. My son started in first and is now set to graduate in 2022.
I found virtual schooling to be a good fit for my family because of the flexibility it offered. At the time GCA was under the K12 umbrella, it has since separated. It is now totally virtual meaning no books. Computers are provided and it is a Title I school. The teachers are licensed and there are PTO meetings, bake sales, etc.
The classes are well organized and structured. Teachers are available for extra help if needed. Parents, called learning coaches post attendance and make sure kids are in class. I feel like I should say “discover the difference”.
There are, before Covid, field trips and outings so that the kids can socialize. They are now done virtually.

There are virtual schools in almost every state. They are subject to the same rules/regulations. Remember, Virtual schools are NOT Charter schools. I won’t address charter schools in this post.

I’ve homeschooled traditionally in the past and I find the negative statements being made about virtual schooling disparaging. If I’d had access to virtual schooling some 35 years ago, I’d have jumped on it!

Do not despair, it’s not you. Our school system is built on cattle calls and numbers. I truly believe that should this virus hang on for more than a year, they’ll get it right. Well, sort of, there is the question of money. Sports generate $$$$$ for colleges and universities.
My kids participated in Rec sports. GO DUCKS!

I’ve said all of this to say, don’t sweat the small stuff. Don’t project into your child(ren) your vision for their school career. Give them a voice, especially teens. Ask them what’s working and what’s not, then reach out to the teacher.
I had to remind myself that my grandson is in school all day without my help, so he can do this without my help. I mean anyone who can sit and play video games and WIN… stress free… for HOURS doesn’t need me fretting over his school work.

Strangers in the Lens

I have been of late, caught up in the budding love story of Heather and Baxter. They met on what the photographer called a ‘Strangers Shoot’, it is a situation where strangers take pictures together and see what the lens captures.
It could prove to a photographer that he or she either has what it takes or they don’t.
In this instance, it was pure heaven sent magic. To say that sparks flew was, well, a gross understatement.
The butterfly effect was so deafening, that they have been on television interviews; Facebook pages have been created for the followers to …..
Anywho the author in me wishes I had written a story as electric as this truth appears to be in reality.

I admit that it causes my heart to compare my love to theirs, to which there is no comparison and yet I compare.
One of the photos has a caption that gives her answer to a question he about how much attention she needs and her reply, the honesty of it, struck me. She says as she places herself across his person, dominating almost all of the pic…”All of it.” The honesty of the answer is what caught me. So many times we women will keep ourselves guarded, moping, and hoping that he”ll somehow just KNOW that we need what we haven’t spoken out loud.

I’ve made the decision to remove myself from the “Hexter Hive”. I don’t want to project onto them what we as the collective are feeling.
Y’all know the pressure we put on new couples… asking too personal questions, making too personal comments and telling them what their babies will look like… you know how we do.
I remember getting caught up in “Us The Duo’s” love story also; they’re old married folks now with their first child. Oh and I enjoy their music also. <smiling>

I also used to be deep into Married at First Sight, but Trey and Vanessa’s break up broke my heart and shook me out of the trance. I no longer watch the show.

I’ve tried to watch Netflix’s venture into the genre … however that didn’t last long. And don’t even get me started on the Bachelor/Bachelorette franchise. Nope, I could never get the concept of too many people vying for the attention of one person. I suppose you could say that I couldn’t stomach the Flavor of Love, pun intended.

Anywhooo… I truly pray the Baxter and Heather have what it takes to succeed.

Love, mature, comfortable love defies all odds and in and of itself gives life.

Confederate Memorial Removal

I must admit that the memorial statue of Confederate Ltc Zachary used to annoy me. It stood in the center of the Town square, towering above us all. sigh. I loved the beauty of the square’s upkeep, however that statue… smh

So a few days ago, it was carefully removed from the center of the square. Tempers flared. This is Georgia. One of the pearls of the confederacy, in truth, they’ve held annual ceremonies to commemorate the cause, making April Confederate History Month.
Yes, it’s 2020, however, this is the south. Sure Blacks, er, African American have made great strides, heck Tyler Perry OWNS Fort McPherson, once a confederate army base, that was taken over by the Union during reconstruction. (Don’t quote me, do your research). Maj. Gen. James “Birdseye” McPherson was Union.

Anywho, I was filled with an odd glee at the thought of the removal and yet when I saw it dangling from the straps, having been lifted from its perch, an even odder sadness crept in, in a dull way. I felt for the ones who actually worshipped this monument and all that it represents.
For weeks I’d read posts from people who said that the war wasn’t about slavery, it was about land and pride in their way of life. There were even people of color fighting to keep it erected in its 100+-year-old space, (think on it, the ground under it hasn’t been touched by sunlight since 1911… I digress.)
I’m content with the removal. They were traitors who left the Union to fight for their way of life which included ownership of human beings.
It’s odd to me that we in many ways are praying the same prayers my grandparents prayed, fighting the same fight my mom fought. “We shall overcome one day”


You know it was fear that kept the feet of bystanders from rescuing Mr. Floyd. It was abject indifference that held him there pinned, shackled under the knee of a human who may have known who he was.
It was Power drunkenness that killed a man crawling on his hands and knees towards a group of policemen, this wasn’t even a man of color.
So what does all of the violence today have to do with the Confederacy? The Nazis, etc? It’s about hate and supremacy… it’s about those who think more highly of themselves than they ought… don’t get me wrong, I get it. It is what it is… The confederacy was about a way of life, that was so ingrained that they took body servants to war with them and even into the North after the war during reconstruction. Heck slavery in some form is alive and spreading its poison even today. What do you call it when Massa, er, CEOs make $11,000 an hour and the workers make at least $8 an hour? Then there’s sex trafficking… which is also slavery.
Have I said that I’m content with the removal of confederate monuments? It spoke volumes to me that there were men of color in the removal crew… yes the boss or crew leader wasn’t of color … blah blah blah… it spoke volumes that standing on the back of a flatbed truck a black man, in Georgia, freed the statue of its bonds. selah
It spoke volumes that the man stood taller than the statue. selah
I am content with the removals.

Mushy

Oh yes

That is the state of my brain

Mushy

There are things I want to say about wearing masks, you know the pros and cons; Tik Tok… giggling… an executive order… the ones who make $$$ on there are going to vote for anyone but him.

Yep… CORONA VIRUS SIGH

My brain is tired. My mind is done and I just cannot trust myself to not sound dumb, which I believe I’m doing right now.

I can say that I believe the church, in a misguided effort to regain normalcy is missing the boat AGAIN, Sigh but that’s another post.

Selah