Trust Him

The Bible tells us that “out of the mouth the heart speaks”. It’s in Luke chapter 6. This scripture is on my heart this morning because this week I heard/read something from a woman’s heart that spoke of the sadness in it. I was sort of surprised because she seems so very happy in her life and then in my heart I remembered how very easy it is for us, woman, to get weighed down by life. We are natural incubators. We think and re-think. We often over analyze and sadly, more often than we’d care to admit ~ lose sight of who, where, why, we are. Did you notice that you cannot even spell “analyze” with being “anal” ? Stop it. Lean NOT on your own understanding… trust God.

I remember that in the beginning I so wanted to be married that I never got the chance to know ME. I have learned during those hard times that the vagina/penis is a poor, poor judge of character and therefore should NOT be allowed to vote when choosing a mate. KEEP YOUR COOKIES IN THE JAR. If (s)he has an issue with it ~(s) he’s NOT the one. Sadly, I didn’t adhere to this truth until after I’d chosen incorrectly far too many times. sigh selahIsa 59:19 ~ So shall they fear the name of the Lord from the west, and his glory from the rising of the sun. When the enemy shall come in like a flood, the Spirit of the Lord shall lift up a standard against him.(KJV)It was during this time that the LORD taught me to first recognize a few things. It was also during this time that I learned to recognize the standard/banner. Woman of God when you get (and I mean truly get) this understanding, it will be as bright and wonder as the sunrise rising in the morning and as high and consuming as the noon day sun! You objective over the next few days is to regard the sun. I mean really think on it. Make note, write down what you observe and then marry your observations to Isa 59:19.Let (s)he who has an hear hear what the Spirit of the LORD is saying.BE Blessed!


It occurs to me that most people arguably speak as though our language is filled with finite expressions.
Finite: having limits or bounds; (verb) having a specific tense, number, and person.

I won’t make this long, just know that my love of language goes deep.
It’s why I choose to allow my heavenly Father to bless me “exceeding abundantly” rather than “exceedingly abundantly” . It’s my choice.
Our lives are finite, only if we neglect to leave a legacy. I choose to leave a legacy. I don’t enjoy finite.
I choose to plant perennials over annuals. You get it. Step out of the finite and plant something that only you can in the fading world. I dare you.


By now you’ve heard about the professor who “passed” as a black woman for many years. I’m not made at her … she’s lived what she was trying to teach. She has a better understanding of what the protests and kneeling is truly about.

On the flip side, it shows that Black is truly a rainbow of beautiful complexions and hair textures!
Her confession points to something that is deeply ingrained in humanity. Black passing for white and visa versa… “I Passed For White” trailor “Imitation of Life”


Again, I’m not mad at her.

Sexual Wampum ~ 3.1

I listened intently as the speaker spoke about the dangers of sex outside of commitment. He named the usual suspects, pregnancy, std, sin. SIGH

I was disappointed. They all leave out the least obvious. No one seems to remember that sex is the most intimate thing two people can do together. It is literally opening one’s self to a plethora of emotions that may or may not lend itself to the promised release.
Yes, it may feel good or most likely it’ll feel weird. And afterwards there’s a nagging “What did I just do?” “Is this what all of the hype was about?

I can say that for me, it was a bit of feeling used. Oh sure as a grown woman of the 70s/80s sex was always on the table. I was raised in church so I knew the usual suspects BUT no one ever told me about the emptiness. I always noticed that nothing seemed to change for the guy or maybe it was just me. There were no warm fuzzies or feeling special.
There was always something missing. I know now that it was as simple as trust.

Please remember to be open and honest when speaking to young people about sex. Sex isn’t what it’s portrayed to be in movies. In truth it’s far from it. Sex doesn’t just happen. Rape isn’t about sex. Most importantly tell them about the emptiness that follows. Rape isn’t about sex. The wondering who he’s told AND HE WILL TELL. Anyone coerced into have sex … pushed, bullied, shamed into having sex equates to rape. Rape isn’t about sex.

I remember sitting in a parking lot waiting for my teen to get off work and hearing some young guys talking about a sexual encounter they’d each had with the same girl. They spoke in details and there was laughter. Three boys, one girl, many separate occasions. I said a prayer for her, for them, but mostly for her. I imagined the emptiness in them all. Neither of them cared enough to protect her, including her. For me it was all too close to home, too many bad memories. Too much emptiness. I told my teen about what I’d overheard. She said that they were all regarded as “hoes” but that the girl was now away at college.
Sex isn’t love no matter what you’ve been told. Sex is at its best inside of commitment under the cover of trust. Sex should never be used to secure, procure or acquire a relationship.
Give them truth. Tell them Sex is at its best inside of commitment under the cover of trust.

Random Musings

I don’t get many comments on my posts, and the stats say that not many people read or share them … (A BIG THANK YOU TO THE ONES WHO’VE SUBSCRIBED).
I believe it’s because I haven’t been as constant as I should have been in the past. I’m working to erase that by scheduling times to write.

I try to write late at night when the house is quiet. I usually have music or the tele playing in the background. That’s what a portion of this post is about: TV commercials. Dude if I never heard about Plexaderm ever again it’ll be too soon.
I don’t know Annette Figueroa, but I know I’m tired of hearing her name.
And that one about reverse mortgages, sigh… it’s a loan against your house people!

I concur with how Alfred Hitchcock felt about commercials. I usually DVR the show I want to watch so I can fast forward through the commercials.
And have you noticed that you can’t FFWD through commercials when watching on demand?
And what’s with all of the new streaming platforms?!? I pay Spectrum for HBO, why do I have to pay to stream anything HBO?!?

(I said this would be random musings)

I watch a lot of old black and white television and Netflix, oh and Amazon. There are a lot of kids and teens in my house and it’s annoying when I have to say, oops close your eyes and then fast forward through some awkward, all too graphic sex scene.
Well gotta go, I should have been in bed hours ago … wait … sigh, a child is awake… sigh…please Jesus give him peaceful restful sleep.
Of course that prayer isn’t what crossed my mind first. This was:
It’s a bedtime story for adults read by Samuel L Jackson, so yes there’s profanity. And yes, I’ve shared this before.

Buenas Noches! Hasta Luego!

…of all the lies I’ve told…

Lies come in varying colors, shapes, and sizes. The most popular ones are white and tiny in size. They seem to be the most digestible.
They are utilized by humans of all ages. These, often used to protect, can also transform into the largest of them all the BALD FACE… or BOLDFACE… depending on what part of the world you inhabit.

I used one of the little ones today. It served the purpose, however, it didn’t feel right. Twenty minutes later, I threw myself under the bus and corrected it. “Hey, did I say…”
She cares for me so, she giggled and said, “Girl, were you having a senior moment?”
I giggled and said no, “I just chose to lie.”
The silence that followed wasn’t as frightening as I’d supposed. Her response gave me pause: “This is why I like you,” she said. “Always using wisdom.”

ME!?!?! Always using wisdom?!?!?! Not even!

But I was quite proud of myself. I’d stared Adulthood in the face and survived. I could say that I won’t tell a lie again … but then that’s also a lie.
I urge you to listen to yourself, monitor what comes out of your mouth, live circumspectly … and as I’ve titled this post I shall tell you that of all the lies I’ve ever told … I LOVE YOU has been the most prevalent … oh at the time, I thought I loved them … well, once I said it to get out of a situation with my life intact; and it isn’t one I use now if at all. I’ve experienced the truth in love and I no longer want to stain it.

SIGH… I suppose that my biggest lie now is simply practicing procrastination, which I’m also staring in the face. I’m making progress, not as much as I’d like, but slow and steady wins the race.


Over My Head

Thunder woke me from my sleep. I stirred a little, trying to get closer to him. Thunder has always bothered me, but even more so after spending time in the Republic of Panama during Just Cause

His position doesn’t allow me to get as close as I’d like so I decide to go to the bathroom. When i get back I see that he’s changed position. I climb in, chiding myself for being nervous about thunder and just as I get settled, he moves closer pulling my body into his. He whispers sleepily, “It’s okay little girl, I’ve got you.”

This was the last thought in my head as I fell asleep… well maybe not the last… I did consider how blessed I am!

He has this uncanny way of knowing where I am… in my myself… especially when my guard is down… which is 98% of the time with him. We don’t have to be in the same state!
You’ve heard me speak about sexual wampum. I didn’t need that with this man. All he wanted was me, no pretense, no preconceived notions, just me.
I admit that it caught me off guard. I was used to the dance, the games. This man, the mature version of the boy I did not like, wasn’t dancing or pretending.
My mom says “That (Army) Ranger swooped in and left with my daughter.”

There are men out there who aren’t looking for wampum and will not suggest or allow us to ponder on it. The question is, are you willing to wait?

Familiarity Breeds Contempt

extensive knowledge of or close association with someone or something leads to a loss of respect for them or it.
I watched an old movie from 1936. I enjoy them because I am reminded that people are people no matter what year the movie is set in.
Anywho, in this movie, the young man was fretting about the first kiss, which he decided could be put off until the wedding day because in the character’s words, “She’s the home run, the grand slam.”
Yes, in the movie there were the usual issues and yes, there was the break up and make up, and yes there was the wedding.
He lifts her veil and says, “I’ve been waiting a very long time for this.” and kissed her gently on the lips. The end.

I began to ponder the state of premarital relations we often get ourselves into; see I believe I robbed myself of many of the feels of new love.
I was far too eager for a relationship. My senior year in High School was horrendous in that area, so much so that it still plagues me.
I wish I could serve up my life as a cautionary tale of WHAT NOT TO DO and at the same time tell you that God does restore.

No, it NEVER happens in your timing, but if you stay focused on the things of God, it most certainly will be made manifest.
At this moment I am witness to a marriage, a family being restored. It took so long that they’d both given up, entering into other relationship, never divorcing, tucking the prayers into the corners of their hearts. It has been eleven years, in our timing, but a mere moment in the Father’s timing.

Diligence isn’t for the weak. It requires stamina and focus. It requires a level of respect that won’t give place to contempt. It requires a focus on NOT rushing familiarity. It is allowing the Creator’s plan to come to fruition.
It’s understanding that Wedding is an action verb and we have made it a noun. Did you know that marrying has another meaning? It also means “cause to meet or fit together; combine.”

This is where the breakdown often happens even before wedding… it’s the breakdown of this area that leads to divorce. Some couples never become a combination, nor do they fit together. This is when it becomes ALL ABOUT ME and YOU’RE NOT MEETING MY NEEDS.

In the movie, the girl is bothered by his not trying to kiss her even as they celebrated the one year mark. He didn’t call it an anniversary, he called it a milestone, to which she took offense and after a long talk with her girlfriends, dumped him.
It was then that she began to see that he filled in the spaces for her, she missed her friend, so she went to his job and waited. They spoke about the issues (communication) sought solutions and went arm in arm to the movies.
Yes, I know it was a movie. Yes, I know it’s entertainment. AND yes, it takes both parties to step towards the center (meet), sigh.
I’m just saying, examine the areas of your relationship looking only for any portion YOU may be wrong in and seek to fix it (forsaking all others) communicating with your spouse about solutions moving forward TOGETHER.