Sweet Sweet Dreams

I can say that it is possible to be in love and still wonder what went wrong in the prior relationship.

Divorce damages the heart in a way that feels permanent. Yes, my present is comforting and sustaining and all that I ever prayed for and yet… I still wonder what it was I didn’t see OR refused to see in the prior relationship.

Yeah, it’s because I don’t want to make the same mistakes. (Whatever they might have been) I tend to love hard and completely even in friendship. I value true friendship and yet I don’t tend to them as I believe I should, but that’s a post for another time. Right now I speaking about heart scars. My hubby has them also. They are mingled with PTSD from war and our parents, who by the way were best friends.

He protects my heart. I’ve learned that my heart has never been protected before allowing him to do so. It can be disconcerting. He is patient with me and my brokenness. Often times just holding me and saying nothing. I love him completely, well as completely as I can in my brokenness. I’ve found that there isn’t any pretense in him. He is who he is at all times. He apologizes even when he isn’t wrong and then gently revisits the issue at a later date so we can work it out unemotionally.

I love him. I must seek each day to value and love him passed the stupid in my head. He is NOT the prior man and does not have to answer for his mess.

Honestly? I was messed up in my childhood when I got it into my head that absolutely no one loved me and never would. I’m not even certain of how that even formed in my thoughts. It may have been the romance novels my mom used to leave around… I began reading when I was four. I can remember hiding under furniture to read them wishing that a man would ride in on a horse, shirt less and carry me away all the while professing his love for me and my beauty.

I want to pour into my teens that it is well worth the wait. It’s hard enough as an adult to navigate relationships without also having to deal with teenage everything!

I pray that you have open dialog with your spouse, so that your prayers aren’t hindered. (1 Peter 3:7)