I know, we’ve all had one whether it was reciprocated or not, there was a person who gave you butterflies.
My first, Walter, spoiled me and was the first boy to say he loved me. I was young, but he was it for me. Tall, lean, jet black velvety skin that smelled good. I do believe that if my grandmother hadn’t died, causing me to have to leave Alabama – I’d have married him. It was a sweet, innocent love. He valued me in a way that I didn’t understand back then.
It would seem that my love life was always slightly off kilter. My mindset about love, sex, and marriage was jaded by what I saw around me, especially Peewee weddings, but that’s for another post.
My first newbie adult love scared and scarred me. I can still feel the effects of it even now. He was and is a very handsome man. It didn’t work because, even though he valued my virginity, he didn’t value me. But when he was good he was very, very good! Those kisses, sweet wonderful kisses that were designed to make me want him were masterful! He had a manly way of commanding my will, so much so, that I actually ironed the shirt he wore to go out with someone else. I later found out that it was someone I’d considered my best friend. He did that with more than one of my so called friends. He appeared and then disappeared. I was supposed to go with him, but I didn’t like who I was with him. The one time we attempted to have sex was bad because he wasn’t prepared for just how naive I truly was back then. This is the relationship that colors every relationship that followed it. That relationship dented my idea of me.
This is why I don’t advocate teens dating. It’s hard enough for an adult, navigating all of those emotions. And sex? That just makes it a million times harder to navigate, like icebergs or lava flows… sigh.
I think I’ve said enough for now. You know I’ll write more later.