“What tha…?”

Today, I woke up and didn’t enjoy the thought of what I’d have to face today.

This surely wasn’t what I’d imagined when I turned 40. I wanted the next twenty to be epic, never once imagining a pandemic. I just knew that I as I sat there on the bed, putting my shoes on, speaking mostly about the now ex-husband – I wanted change.

Fast forward to today, I have change, however, it doesn’t look like I thought it would. I’d have never imagined that the so called cancel culture would affect me by way of my parenting. And at the same time, be sought out for those same skills.

Life is odd in ways we are never told and could not possibly imagine. I could say that whatever dream you have beyond your child being a good person, are just that, your dreams. Your job is to introduce them to the wonders of this life and show them that they can choose. Allow them a skill. Something uncommon, like, sewing, crochet, etc. Cooking is essential they should at least be able to feed themselves. (See what happened there?)

That rabbit trail shot off in a direction that I didn’t intend for it to go. This post is about my life as me; not wife, mom, etc. This is about me dying inside because it’s midnight and I haven’t been able to do me. I am a writer and teacher at my core. I know who I am and have been called to be by the Creator. It’s frustrating to go an entire twenty-four hours and not write anything.

I remember J K Rowling remembering she could afford to get a sitter for the kids and a hotel room for herself so that she could focus on her writing. I want that one day, sooner than later. Sigh

So today, I am starting back to me, using the skills I’ve learned through the years. I will set a soft schedule to my day. I learned that back when I sold lingerie. I say “soft” because foster parenting taught me that schedules must be fluid AND raising teens has taught me that it’s all gonna go off the rails anyway.

So there you have it. I will no longer allow the WTH days to dictate anything. I will attempt to go with the flow so that the boat doesn’t get dashed against the rocks of this thing I call my life. And just so you know, hubby and I are just fine. This post is singularly about me.

I had a crazy jealous day recently, vestiges of past relationships, and I knew I needed to apologize because my husband is an honorable man.

Me: You love me? Him: Of course I love you. Me: Even when I’m being all jealous and crazy for no real reason? He looks away from his phone and smiles, ” especially when you’re being all jealous and crazy. I love every part of you my love.”

Yep, I’m staying anchored to this port in the storm I call my life.