Chronicle of an ex-Church Girl/Lady

Today is Sunday. I didn’t go to church. I didn’t even sign in to an on-line service and there are a lot of those. I’m looking for a Pastor who is starkly in the middle of Osteen (motivational) and Shambach (no nonsense fire and brimstone). It would seem that the “heavy weights” of Kingdom work have all gone to Rejoice in Paradise. There used to be men and women of God who could speak for about 10 minutes and despense enough spiritual food for an entire week! I remember E V Hill did the eulogy for his wife and I was moved to try to become a better wife.

I miss the WORD, “rightly divided”. There are Sunday morning cheerleaders that truly show every sign that they’ve spent time studying and seeking the LORD’s wisdom, but the yelling just makes me tired and I can’t seem to remember and therefore apply what I’ve learned in practical ministry.
Just let me say that I’ve never been able to follow, or willing remain in the church where the Pastor is a “whooper”, you know those ones who make odd noises and foam at the mouth. SIGH

I’ve been to a few churches here, in my new home. The first had the word delivered in a beautiful teaching way, but the worship was tech-no that could be heard in the next state AND the kids did not like the children’s church. They complained of not being able to hear and it was always cold. No mid week Bible Study here, Life groups were the order of business. I received an email asking for more info about myself so that they could place me in the appropriate Life group … I will always believe that this statement, “I know who I am in Him.” is what prompted this response : “Good luck in your search for a new church home.” end of story. No further emails or responses to mine were sent.
The next one had better worship, but it wasn’t “free”. The whole worship team appeared frightened and I will not comment on the teaching, suffice to say that this is why the Bible tells us to study the word for ourselves. The kids however, LOVED the children’s church and could tell us what they’d learned in the lesson. It was a Wednesday night “Bible” study that sealed the deal for me. I won’t give a blow by blow, but one of the other attendees said this to the Pastor, “I won’t allow you to shake my faith.” end quote

NEXT … sigh …um, a small church body, very new, loved the LORD, worship and the word was good as new church with few members can be. It was family. Movie nights, couples night, etc. Now, at this point I’m not certain if this was great church or a Ritz ( old joke) so I took it slowly, the came the stay within the lines bible study. I sat in the seat and felt the tears come to my eyes… I didn’t go any more. I am NOT a fan of religion.

The last and most recent ~ was referred to in the beginning RAH RAH SIS BOOM BAH! I need a nap.

Quite honestly, I don’t truly care about their title, I’ve sat under great and so-so Pastors and Reverends. I’m looking for the pure undiluted WORD (keep your politics to yourself). There are men and women of God who spoke and are still speaking life into my ministry. I must be still and obedient in my wait for our new church home . . . thanks for hanging in there and reading with me!

Sigh ~ no ministries were maligned in this post.

I hab a cold….. all stuffy and stuff…

I’ll bet you caught that “typo” in the title… it’s my attempt at humor. I am in awe of stand-up comedians. I’ve just found a new one. She is Joanne Roberts. Funny and clean, so she probably doesn’t make the money the “raw” one make but she’s truly funny.

This one is very funny. She calls her husband “Left-Brain”. I am in awe of anyone who can not only get people to laugh, but who can get those people to pay to hear them knowing that they’re gonna laugh.
When my first book came out, everyone that wasn’t my mom, or Editor wanted a free copy of it. DOUBLE SIGH
I’m praying that the next one will generate more $$$$$.

Fingers crossed…. prayers going up….. laugh people Mrs. Joanne is truly funny!

The trouble with staying up late to write…

…is that I get hungry, which doesn’t fit well with my so-called diet plan. Right now I want popped corn. NOT that stuff in the bag, but the stuff you have to make on the stove with butter and that wonderfully seasoned salt!

deep sigh

My tummy is growling because dinner was actually 5 hours and 40 minutes ago…. anywho, most of the looky-loos have stopped reading by now. That’s ok, I was just rambling. Nothing new to say, except, I wrote a book from start to finish today.  IT WAS AMAZING!

I used my Dragon! So easy, then all I had to do was go back over it for typos! Technology is awesome when it works!

I’ll give more info later. It’s all in how you “train” your dragon.

It’s awfully quiet around here. This forum I mean.

So many topics… staying away from the Shutdown… not proud to have called myself a “R”….  (even deeper sigh).

Well, I’m going to go pop some corn OR eat some funyuns which ever one I get to first!

Good night!

Good Night, Paula, said no one in this forum……….. -_-

So you want to be a writer……

Just sharing this food for thought:

So You Want to Be a Writer
By Charles Bukowski

if it doesn’t come bursting out of you
in spite of everything,
don’t do it.
unless it comes unasked out of your
heart and your mind and your mouth
and your gut,
don’t do it.
if you have to sit for hours
staring at your computer screen
or hunched over your
searching for words,
don’t do it.
if you’re doing it for money or
don’t do it.
if you’re doing it because you want
women in your bed,
don’t do it.
if you have to sit there and
rewrite it again and again,
don’t do it.
if it’s hard work just thinking about doing it,
don’t do it.
if you’re trying to write like somebody
forget about it.
if you have to wait for it to roar out of
then wait patiently.
if it never does roar out of you,
do something else.

if you first have to read it to your wife
or your girlfriend or your boyfriend
or your parents or to anybody at all,
you’re not ready.

don’t be like so many writers,
don’t be like so many thousands of
people who call themselves writers,
don’t be dull and boring and
pretentious, don’t be consumed with self-
the libraries of the world have
yawned themselves to
over your kind.
don’t add to that.
don’t do it.
unless it comes out of
your soul like a rocket,
unless being still would
drive you to madness or
suicide or murder,
don’t do it.
unless the sun inside you is
burning your gut,
don’t do it.

when it is truly time,
and if you have been chosen,
it will do it by
itself and it will keep on doing it
until you die or it dies in you.

there is no other way.  and there never was.


Oh What Fresh Hell is This?!?!?!

This morning I was greeted by an enormous amount of emails, far more than usual. I opened the inbox expecting to find page after page of sales report, but alas, it’s replies from a blog I’ve recently subscribed to and while I loved the post, most of the comments about it are just, well, stupid.

Yeah, I know we all have opinions, and I remember that opinions are like bellybuttons ~ we all have one, but some people should just keep theirs to themselves and only reveal them to loved ones, if they have any. (hic)

And to make matters even more weird this morning, there was a email tucked neatly in the center of the other junk mail. AND OH EMM GEE! Someone has scanned in copy of a 1977 high school yearbook ~ MY SENIOR YEAR! AND THEN HAD THE AUDACITY TO TAG ME!

Back then I tried to stay out of all things that related to a camera, unless I had no true way of getting out of it. So there are pictures of me, that , well, um… SIGHHHHHH

There’s also a picture of that fine young man I had a crush on, but couldn’t quite get to and yes, he’s still fine only now ~ those emotions are firmly in the past… right? He still fine though!
Oops! My inner ghetto slipped out. She does that every now and again. <giggle> It was just a shock to the systems to see the 18 year old me stuck in the seventies’ wave of bad hair, bad clothing, bad experiences. It was a bad time all around. I was learning what it meant to not be black enough and understanding that the lightness of my skin had nothing whatsoever to do with it.
I had African American friends, but, ugh, so not going back to that nightmarish place!

I’ve always wondered if non-colored people have these issues and then I remember that blonde jokes do exist.

We are all each of us prejudice in our own way about life in general.

I wonder if I can sue to get my images taken off of the site? No worries, I haven’t the money to throw away like that. Sigh….

“Why me Lord?” This is in reference to a separate issue not spoken about here… sigh…

The wonder of anonymity

At this point I can write what every I want because I am virtually unknown by the masses. Some of my friends don’t even know that I am a self-published author. I say self published, because I wanted to see my words in print and it was the quickest most direct path to total resistance (PLACE BORG REFERENCE HERE) Yes, I am a Trekkie.

I have many ideas that just don’t fit what my Christian label, like I don’t think that prayer in school should be the law of the land. I happen to believe that abortion is a necessary evil and that each one choosing to do it has to answer to their own God for the action. I am also pro-choice. I think the choice is made BEFORE you have sex, everything after that is then consequences… deal with whatever you get up with in a responsible manner and no abortion isn’t responsible … just sayin’ … yep I sound twisted… what of it? Oh? I didn’t fully explain my position… and I’m not going to do that here either.

I also believe that Mr. Obama has done a good job at being MY president. I must admit that my whole opinion of him is how I see him as Man, husband, dad. I also believe that his presidency was a redeeming moment in history, though, he was still seen as just another black man in public housing. America! America! (you know the song)
I’ve never been ultra black, I’ve struggled with the lack of darkness to my skin, but I believe that I have found a happy medium in my latter years that just wasn’t attainable in my younger ones.

So here I am rambling about whatever is on my mind simply because I can; simply because I honestly believe that here on these pages, in this space, no one hears this tree falling in the forest. Oh, I admit, that I want someone to stumble across these words and ponder them, but I’m not even going to share this post on facebook or in any other place.
This is my game. I get to set the rules and choose the winner(s). I reserve the right to keep the rules to myself and to judge who’s following them or not. Isn’t that how it’s played? 
I stand in my little cage and dance and sing for you and you get to tell me whether or not I did well or even get another chance to do it. I’m not even placing tags on this one. That how committed I am to this game, the title of which is also withheld.

I believe marriage to be the greatest thing God ever gave us! Second to nothing, including sex. I should know because I’ve been married far too many times, but only got it right once. I can and will write a book about it. It will be a manual based on what I’ve learned from the marriages around me and those I have had the privilege of speaking into.
Wife isn’t just a title or the result of a ceremony ~ it is an anointing, a calling if you will…. WAIT…. this post isn’t about the ministry I’m called to, it’s about the anonymity of who I am now, today.
Oh, I have some importance to my family and the few friends I have, but on the whole, I am as anonymous as any one can be in a room chock full of strangers! In a way this “feels” good! I don’t have to watch what I’m saying (writing) or even filter my thoughts.
This is good! An odd sort of privacy that’s lacking in the world today. I’m trying to, after all this time, forgive the ex for his lies. I say the words everyday. For some reason their profile pic will pop up in the “people you may know” section of facebook and I am angry that I even know that man ~ I got a beautful daughter out of the fray, though, and a warlike knowledge of relationship/marriage that took far too many years to gain. O my lawd! pass the drinking gourd! He’s someone else’s problem now, I wish them all the best! (hic)
It’s good to write and not have a point or message. It feels good to just get it all out! AAAHHHHH…. 

It feels good to be me. I like me! I enjoy who I am in He who first loved me and I enjoy being my husband’s wife. I work diligently at it, daily, hourly sometimes. God has truly blessed me!

Okay, so the rambling is now over. If by chance someone stumbles onto this post/rant, I hope they leave a comment with the understand that they don’t know the rules to this game so negative comments, however pious will gain or not gain points… get it? Good comments will almost always be considered before being discarded, or not. This is just where I am at this moment.

Now, It’s time to make the donuts, banana bread and a strong, stiff drink!

Himalayan Pink Salt

On my desk sits a grinder of pink salt. I’ve read all of the info that came with it and I still don’t get why it’s pink.
It happens that way sometimes… we don’t always know all of the facts, but we make the choice to do or not do – eat or not eat. I used it in a restaurant, liked it and paid $3.99 for 3.75oz(106g). It’s great on popcorn………………..

I also paid for this blog.. space……………… sssssoooooooooo you’ll see a LOT more posts on this blog! hehehehe! I’ve been tweaking the newest book and working on the sequel to “Sitting on the Edge of a Dream”.

I’ve also learned that Blockbuster is closing my neighborhood store…. so the decision to stop my mail subscription was easy. I’ll cancel it after I rent “Alex Cross”.

Yes, I’m babbling… gonna go watch, “Catfish” now. -_-

Hello world!

New Mercies!

I woke up this morning with a renewed sense or purpose. My husband’s prayer before we fell asleep caused my heart and my mind to want to rise to my fullest potential.
It is sad commentary to say that at this “stage” of my life. In the seventies I’d have been considered a senior citizen. But here in this post Bo Derek world, I haven’t any of the perks of being a senior citizen with the exception of AARP. This is a rabbit trail I will not venture down today.

The focus of this post is to somehow spur you into doing that thing you’ve always dreamed of doing. Write that novel/poetry/play. Take that famous picture and hold your very own art show. Learn a new language. Get outside of your box!

I’ve written many books and it was fun to do. It was when I began to measure my success by what I saw around me that I measured myself a failure. Never mind that a Google search can find me AND my books so wonderfully displayed on I’d judged myself a failure. Today, I have stopped judging me. My life isn’t perfect, but is it golden! My love life is excellent! So why do I waste time thinking that I have failed at that which I WANT and LOVE to do? sigh
It all ends now. I Paula Denise! I am I tell you! I Author! and as eloquently as I can write it, I HAPPY!