I didn’t read the entire post as the writer asked I must admit I skipped from page one to page three of the very long post. I am very aware that opinion pieces are just that opinion pieces.
I’m responding in this way because I wondered what was truly going on in the situation between the quote “bad dad” unquote and the son who appeared to be broken. Before I get into that, I want to recall a couple of memories I have from my mommy files:
First, My son has always been high energy. He’s far better now than he’s every been, but there are still challenges. The incident I want to share happened in a thrift store, with freshly painted/polished floors ~ CONCRETE floors. So I corralled the kids, gave them the lecture (you know the one), put the smallest of them in a cart and placed the hands of the older ones on the cart and off we went. My son began to skip and bounce, which gave me visions of his head against that floor, so I spoke to him, face to face, asked for confirmation of info upload (he nodded) and off we went. Well there must have been a memory dump that I missed because he let go of the cart and began to repeat the unwanted actions. The next few minutes, I reminded, I threatened, I put him in the cart, he cried, begged, I relented and took him out. I saw the looks we were getting, so I decided to cut the trip short. So there we were, standing in line waiting to check out, My son once again lets go of the cart, and seconds later, his head hit the floor, hard! I didn’t move. I looked down, checking his face, assessing the degree of injury, I saw his face register the pain. I saw his memory kick in and I said, “See, I told you that would happen. Now do you understand?” He got up nodding and grabbed my hand. The lady behind me voiced her opinion of my parenting skills (unfavorable) and the lady behind her corrected her stating that she’d heard me telling him he’d fall for the past five minutes. Once we got home, he got an ice pack and snuggles. Did the incident change his outside behavior? Yes.
The next was in an airport with my toddler daughter who stated she needed to go to the bathroom. I sent her with her big sister to the bathroom. This occurred three times in about 15 minutes. On the fourth request from the toddler, my eldest, now very frustrated, said that she wasn’t using the bathroom, she was just going in to play in the water and flush the toilet. So the next 5, 6, 7th requests went ignored. Upon the 8th request I asked her if she truly had to go potty, she said yes. I said okay, let’s go and reached for her hand. She shook her head and asked for her sister to take her. I said nope, she’d have to go with me or not at all. She climbed into the chair and sat down, so I sat down and began to feed the baby ~ this must have been her Que because she began to jump up and down and yell, “I need to go potty!” I handed the baby to my eldest and stood up. My middle child began to scream louder and not allow me to take her hand, so I sat down (we’re in the airport) and she continued to scream that she had to go to the bathroom. I said calmly, “I will take you, but you’re going to calm down and take my hand.” She stomped her foot and told me no, she wanted to go with her sister. So I made a decision to not carry her kicking and screaming to the bathroom. I sat back and she ran toward the bathroom. My eldest caught her and as she was bringing her back, a lady who’d only been there for about 5 minutes angrily spat out, “Let the girl go to the bathroom before I go get someone about this!” My response to the lady wasn’t nice. I’m not proud. The exchange caused my daughter to sit down and get quiet.
My son has been chastised many times in public and at home. My daughter is now a mom. My son, now 11, isn’t broken. My daughter isn’t broken. While I understand what he thinks he saw 4 years ago, I wish he’d have taken the time to check what was going on. Child welfare checks are easy. People will respond in a way that will show you who they are as parents and people. Children, at their worst are genius Sociopaths only concerned about their needs and wants. So if you see a situation you’re not certain of or if you see more anger than you feel is necessary, say something. There is a point in which discipline becomes abuse, everyone’s line is in a different place. Each child is different and therefore requires different levels of everything. ABUSE IS NEVER DISCIPLINE!
Sigh … I’ve spoken to many an angry parent and for the most part felt the anger subside. Just don’t be so quick to judge without all of the facts. Do not be afraid to tell someone if you believe a child is being abused.
I saw a toddler verbally abusing his mother, she was quietly admonishing him with kind words, calling him sweetie and such. A man the boy called Grampa walked over and pinched the boy on the leg while saying something in the boy’s ear. I saw pain register on the boy’s face. I saw him nod. The older man kept talking. A lady walked past, summed up what she thought was going on and began to make loud statements, which is her right, I suppose to assess the situation. This brought the mom back to the cart. She placed herself between the boy and the older man. She looked from the lady to me and tried to smile. I said, “That’s a good Grampa.” She smiled and walked away.
Point of view is everything! “Only believe half of what you see, some or none of what you hear.”
Here is the post to which I’m responding: SDL . I am reminded of my mother, who used to discipline other people’s children. She once grabbed a little boy for cursing at his mother in a McDonald’s Restaurant. No one ever stopped her or called the police. I don’t think it would work in today’s society.
I’m off my soapbox. No intent to offend. Rude and nasty comments will be deleted.
From the Desk of an Author 